Our Virginia divorce mediation attorneys deeply believe in the power of active listening to resolve conflicts, speed up negotiations, and increase the likelihood that participants will walk away feeling satisfied. But how, exactly, do you engage in empathetic listening?
Good listening involves paying close attention both to your own feelings and needs and to the feelings and needs of the other person in the negotiation. This process of paying close attention is not necessarily intuitive, nor is it easy. If your spouse cheated on you with a colleague at work, for instance, you probably feel hurt and betrayed, making it difficult to listen in an open-hearted way to your spouse’s wants and needs. You might even think, “I don’t care about their feelings at all.”
However, the more you seek to understand what’s going on in your spouse’s mind, the easier it will be to achieve your ultimate goals in the mediation process.
Tips for Empathetic Listening During Divorce Mediation
1. Listen for Root Feelings and Core Needs
For example, your spouse might say something like, “You never cared about me.” Instead of taking the accusation personally, try to recognize that this statement may stem from feelings of loneliness or an unmet need for connection. Look past the words to understand the deeper emotions at play.
2. Understand You’re Not Responsible for Others’ Feelings
If your spouse is angry, depressed, or jealous, it doesn’t mean you directly caused those emotions. Recognizing this will help you stay open and compassionate during the conversation, without feeling personally attacked.
3. Identify Solutions That Meet Both Parties’ Needs
In mediation, you’re seeking a win-win resolution. For instance, if you and your spouse are debating who should keep a piece of jewelry, recognize that the conflict may symbolize deeper emotional issues, like respect or dignity. By understanding your own needs (such as financial security) and your spouse’s (such as reclaiming a sense of respect), you can find solutions that meet both of your goals more effectively.
4. Seek Guidance from Experienced Mediators
Navigating mediation alone can be overwhelming. Consider seeking help from professionals who understand the process. Our Virginia divorce mediation attorneys can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities of mediation. With our support, you can make more informed decisions and increase the likelihood of a positive outcome.
Conclusion
Listening empathetically during divorce mediation isn’t just about hearing what’s being said; it’s about understanding the deeper emotions and needs behind the words. By following these tips, you can improve communication, foster a more cooperative atmosphere, and increase the chances of a successful mediation.
If you need assistance with your mediation, call us at (888) 530-4374 to learn more about the Virginia divorce mediation process and how we can help you navigate it effectively.