In a recent post, our Northern Virginia divorce attorneys discussed a provocative theoretical model for divorce called the Sound Relationship House Theory. Developed by Dr. John Gottman, this model is based on an algorithm that supposedly predicts when and how couples will get divorced.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Dr. Gottman identified four negative behaviors in marriage that he termed “the four horsemen of the apocalypse.” These behaviors are key predictors of marital breakdown:
1. Criticism
Some criticism is normal in any relationship, but criticizing a partner’s personality seems to be particularly harmful (e.g. “You’re so selfish.” “You’re so bossy.” “You’re lazy.”).
2. Contempt
Contempt is the darkest of the four horsemen and, according to Dr. Gottman’s research, the greatest predictor of divorce. It involves a sneering, judgmental attitude toward the partner.
3. Defensiveness
Defensiveness, as defined on Dr. Gottman’s website, is “self-protection in the form of righteous indignation.”
4. Stonewalling
This behavior occurs when one partner tunes out, no longer reacting or actively listening to the other.
Key Takeaways from Gottman’s Research
According to the Gottman Research Institute’s website:
“Dr. Gottman’s 35 years of research [boil down to] two key findings:
- Happily married couples behave like good friends; they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways.
- Happily married couples are able to repair negative interactions during an argument, and they are able to process negative emotions fully.”
Applying These Insights
Whether these insights can help you preserve your marriage (if that is your goal) or inspire you to develop more stable relationships in the future, the research offers valuable lessons.
If you need further assistance, call DiPietro Law Group, PLLC at (888) 530-4374 to get the insight you need to make progress on your case.