Society scoffs at couples with vast age differences, but these relationships are not automatically doomed to failure. While a famous survey of 2,000 adults points to four years as the ideal age gap, half of respondents claimed that no ideal gap exists. In other words, there’s more to couples than their birthdays.
Many intergenerational couples remain happily married long after their similarly-aged peers have called it quits. The following are a few of the secrets that underlie successful May-December romances:
Maturity
Often, younger parties in intergenerational marriages argue that they
enjoy a significant advantage over couples with smaller age gaps: the
guidance of a mature partner, who has already endured many of life’s
hardships. With maturity often comes financial stability, and while some
people roll their eyes at this, it’s a valid point: money issues
are responsible for the vast majority of divorces among younger couples.
Life Stages and Personal Priorities
Spouses may occupy separate generations, but still be in approximately
the same stage of life. This makes it easier for them to relate. For example,
a 42-year-old and 25-year-old with no kids, a love of travel, and stable
careers may fare better than two 25-year-olds with completely different
priorities.
Communication
Effective communication is critical in any relationship, but while a significant
age gap can cause challenges, it by no means dooms couples who struggle
to relate. Some spouses of roughly the same age struggle to communicate
despite holding a great deal in common. Ultimately, couples of all ages
must learn effective strategies so as to increase mutual understanding.
Because May-December spouses come from unique mindsets, they may actually
acknowledge their differences and do the work necessary to develop stronger
communication strategies.
Family Acceptance
Sometimes, differently aged spouses get along famously—until their
friends or family members butt in. Family disapproval can wreak havoc
on even the strongest relationships. Loved ones might make snide remarks
about age differences long after you tie the knot. Couples fortunate to
enjoy community acceptance—or command respect regardless—stand
the best chances of success, no matter their age.
There is no set formula to determine the perfect age disparity for various couples. Age gaps create unforeseen challenges, but they don’t destroy all possibility of a happy, lasting marriage.